Don't F$king Swear around children!

Don't Fu$king Swear around children!

This is pretty much a given.
You do not swear infront of children (your own or someone else's!)

Yeah! That works!

Their little minds are sponges and they are soaking up what you say.
If you say, GOOD MORNING Mother F#*ckers! then they will say it too. Cause I'm sure that's standard every morning.
I used to say it to some of my co workers. Its like the show THE OFFICE, but more funny.

In all honesty I did go through a faze where I added Mother F to everything. I started saying
"Thanks Mother F##*ker!" I didn't mean it in a bad way, I would laugh as I said it. I just thought its a funny thing to add to a sentence so I did it. I once said it when I was home visiting my parents and then realized I said it. So I repeated "I stubbed my toe, MOTHER TRUCKER!".
FYI I didn't stub my toe.

I had one friend who was giving his little boy a bath. He dropped the soap into the bath water and couldn't pick it up (you know exactly what that is like), its like a snake's skin molting off (kinda but opposite, cause its clean). Anyways....
He couldn't pick up the soap, finally got it above water, and it slipped out of his hand again,
"AH, sh$t!", he said.
His child repeated it after him.
He said no I mean ship, ship. "Oh ship!". His child didn't fall for it and repeated the first expression numerous times. His wife was not happy.
I was going to suggest rubbing the father's (my friend, perhaps now former friend after this post) mouth with soap.

That's right MOTHER F#&*R's!

I find my wife and myself has been slowly weening ourselves off swears. Even things I thought were not really swears, at school he's been told they are.
So now I can't add "damn" or "damned" to anything.
That's a word necessary for my (damned) life!

Let me give you an example (mother f's!).

"Where are my damn socks?"

"Mom, where are my damned shoes?"

"Hot Diggity Damn!" <--- I like that one the most. I feel like I'm with Scooby Do (which my son refers to as Scoobie Doobie). Close enough. I mean when you look at Shaggy you are also thinking Doobie.

My son kept repeating "Dada that's a bad word, we don't say that word". I told him "Oh, well daddy says it but you don't!"

I thought he got the message, but I guess he was out to lunch (his brain I mean, not literally), because he started using in perfect context.

Once my wife was in bed and she said to him "You forgot to get your water bottle for bed". He ran out to me "DAD! WHERE'S MY DAMN WATER BOTTLE?"
I couldn't stop laughing, so he started using it with everything.

When I finally thought I had completely weened myself off swears (like weening from the breast, but less enjoyable), I was disciplined by my son again.
"Dad you always say bad words".

I do? I didn't believe him.

"You keep saying freakin".
"I'll make freakin dinner", "Where are my freakin pants?"

Mom has her own problem. She started rephrasing goddamn crazy to GD crazy, GD shoes, GD tired. Cause she's a mom and sleepy from two kids I let it go.

Perhaps us not swearing is not meant to be then.

So this advice which incidentally I don't live by, I'm giving it to you.

LOL

Enjoy you GD non swearing child rearing life biatches!

Hard to see, all vulgar. Things I've never even dreamed of. Print it for your wall (not around kids).